Careerless and Unfulfilled

Dear Lara,

I have a little issue I'm wrestling with -- finding a job/career that I care
about moderately and can make a decent living doing. I've had 'career' type jobs
since college, but have never felt fulfilled or that I was utilizing a good
chunk of my talents and gifts. It is a huge question that I don't expect you to
answer, but I would LOVE some sort of steps I could take to start chopping this
huge question down to more moderately-sized ones.

Basically Lara, how can I start matching myself to a more fulfilling position
without a) going back in time and completely getting a different education or b)
going back to school?

Sincerely,
Careerless and Unfulfilled...


Dear Careerless and Unfulfilled, 


How well do you feel you know yourself?  I think that is the first step in figuring out what may be next for you in terms of your career.  It also sounds like you have had several positions over the years that may also help guide you to your ultimate goal.  You will need to spend a good amount of time assessing these past positions to determine what you liked and disliked about them.  Be specific.  Did you like working with a team of people?  Did your prefer to work independently?  What things about a position motivated you or got you excited to get up and get to work?  What things about a position kept you up at night or contributed to feelings of anxiety and frustration?  


We all know that there are good things and bad things about every job.  However, feeling fulfilled is extremely important and I believe that taking a look at your past may bring you closer to feelings of fulfillment in your future endeavor.  I also think it is important to acknowledge that each of your prior positions have helped you in some way to determine your ultimate fit.  


Have you taken any career tests?  This may be another option for you in assessing your career needs based on your personality.  There are a number of options that you can take online like this test found here.  Check a few out and see if they help you to learn something about yourself you don't already know. 


You can also take this a step further and meet with a career counselor who is licensed to offer specialized career testing that will be analyzed by a professional.  While this would be an investment, it should help you with the process in determining where you belong in the working world.  Two tests that are well-known and offered by a number of counselors are the The Birkman Method and the Myers Briggs Personality Test.


I hope these offer some places to start in your search for a fulfilling career.  Good Luck!


Best,
Lara

I'll do it tomorrow... I swear.

Dear Lara,

I have a problem with procrastination and motivation. There are many things I want to do to take control of the direction of my life, but can't seem to take that first step. Maybe it's a fear of failing or giving up something I'm accustomed to, to make time for the new thing, I don't know. But, I have goals of exercising, of writing, of learning new computer programs to advance my career, but, I keep coming up with excuses to start next Monday. I even try to tell myself sit down, make a calender and hold myself accountable, but even that doesn't get done. What am I doing that is keeping me from succeeding in this, what can I do to accomplish my goals?

Sincerely,

I'll do it tomorrow... I swear.


Dear I'll do it tomorrow,

Procrastination is something that everyone has faced at one time or another. That monkey on your back tugging at you trying to convince you to finish something. That paper in college that absolutely needed ALL NIGHT to complete including the multiple Dunkin Donuts runs and worthless trips to the library. Course these days, kids are probably finding much better ways to procrastinate including Facebook, Blogging and Tweeting. Can you imagine having that to battle nowadays? And, I digress...

Let us first understand exactly what procrastination is. This is what Wikipedia had to say:

Procrastination refers to the counterproductive deferment of actions or tasks to a later time. Psychologists often cite such behavior as a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision.

Procrastination may result in stress, a sense of guilt and crisis, severe loss of personal productivity, as well as social disapproval for not meeting responsibilities or commitments. These feelings combined may promote further procrastination. While it is regarded as normal for people to procrastinate to some degree, it becomes a problem when it impedes normal functioning.

Procrastination is indeed a vicious cycle. The dread of starting the task leading to the dread of not completing the task leading ultimately to the dread of letting others and yourself down. I believe that much of this begins with our self-esteem. In order to begin a task we need to feel empowered that we can actually do the task. This is why it is easier to break tasks down to simpler components. You mention exercise. That is a fairly broad term. If it were that easy we would all be Billy Blanks and call it a day. Start with manageable expectations for yourself. Take a walk. Go for a hike. Do something you enjoy. Acknowledge that exercise is good for your self-esteem in that it helps to clear your head and boost your levels of serotonin. Set a realistic goal for yourself and go from there.

Understanding yourself better may also assist with becoming more goal oriented. Are you stressed? Feeling overwhelmed? Lacking in resources for completing various tasks? Struggling with symptoms of anxiety? All of these things work against you. In some cases you may be able to do some work to alleviate some of these variables. Are you getting enough sleep (approx. 7 hours per night) and eating right? These may sound obvious but it is important to make an honest assessment of your habits and ensure you're taking care of your fundamental needs.

Making a list is a really good start. If your goals are to exercise, learn a new program and put some time into your writing, then start with what you know. Figure out the resources you'll need to assist you with completing the tasks you aren't sure about and start small. As you start to accomplish the small goals you will appreciate the sense of satisfaction and feel motivated to keep going. We are results driven species. As you start to cross things off your list you should feel empowered to continue. Starting is the hardest part. But, once you begin you get the momentum going and thus comes the reward.

Motivation and drive are not always innate qualities. Sometimes we also need a little outside support. Our loved ones (while usually have our best interests in mind) aren't always capable of offering the right kind of support. What might motivate them may not motivate you. That's ok. And, if you need some external support (and all of us do) perhaps it's time to utilize another perspective. How and where you find that is up to you. It may be a self-help book about procrastination  or a friend or mentor you trust. It may even be the unbiased opinion of a professional. You know, Freud was definitely onto something with his theory behind "on the couch". Talking to someone is simpler than you may think and many companies provide Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) that provide several sessions as part of your insurance benefit. Use it. It's there for a reason. Many of us encounter various times in our life when figuring out our next direction in life requires some deeper thought, consideration and external guidance. 


This was a fantastic question that surely many if not all readers can relate.  Thank you for sending it along.  I hope that I was able to give you a brief overview of some things to consider.  Best of luck to you and congrats on taking your first step to attaining a goal.  Talking about it. 


Best, 
Lara

Let Us Give Thanks...

Dear Lara:

 

This is the season of gift giving to brides, graduates, birthdays, baby showers, etc. and it seemed appropriate to toss you the question of " what is the "proper" way to say thank you for someone's generosity?"  Gift giving is a big thing in our society and it is expected that when there is a happy celebration, appropriate dollars and time be spent to wish either the bride, graduate or new birth sincere, and generous, congratulations. However, no matter the age of the recipient, it seems that sometimes gifts are not acknowledged and it leaves the gift giver feeling disappointed, unhappy and even angry that their "gift" and dollars spent were so insignificant as to not deserve a "thank you" or some acknowledgement within a month of having received the gift.  What is with this "new" generation of no manners??

 

It would seem that we live in the instant communication generation and while a thank you note has long been the appropriate response, even a phone call or text message, email, or tweet is better than absolutely nothing.  What would your thoughts be on how to handle this lack of manners?   Do you let it go or actually call and ask "by the way, did you receive the check I sent??"

 

signed:

 

DIDN'T YOUR MOTHER TEACH YOU ANY MANNERS?

(yes, Mom gets blamed for this, too)

Dear Manners,

Several years ago I received a phone call from one of my parents' friends asking if I had received their wedding gift.  This was approximately 6 months after our wedding and I was taken completely off guard.  I had that OMG feeling did I forget to send a thank you note moment.  Turns out, I never received their gift.  She had ordered me some fancy bed linens from a catalog company that I simply never got.  I was so glad she called.  

Since that situation I always wonder if people receive the gifts that I send them and become concerned once I haven't received a thank you note.  Truth is, many people are careless about thank you notes and fail to get them out in appropriate time.  I have always tried to get notes out in a timely manner (my mother taught me well) but I am sure there have been times when I have failed and waited too long or forgotten altogether. 

So, to answer your question, yes, I think you are completely entitled to ask someone the next time that you see them if they received the gift that you sent.  I think it's best to wait until you see them in person.  But, if it really bothering you and has been 4 months since you sent the gift - then call and ask away.  

Take a look at the following rules of the road from About.com when it comes to thank you note rules and regs:

Always send notes in the following situations:

• Wedding gifts.
• For sympathy letters, flowers, or mass cards.
• To the hostess after a party that was hosted in your honor.
• For bridal or baby shower gifts.
• For gifts that were received by mail.
• After being entertained by your boss.
• Gifts received during a hospital stay.
• After being hosted as a houseguest for one or more nights (unless it's a close relative or friend who is doing the hosting).
• For notes or gifts of congratulations.

Timeliness is extremely important.  Notes should be sent within a week of receiving a gift.  Wedding gift thank you notes should be sent within 3 months of receiving a gift.  Patients should send thank you notes once they feel well or a family member or friend should call or send a thank you note.   If you forget, it's never too late to send a note.  Just be sure you send one.  Calls and emails are also permitted - but a handwritten note is always preferred.  

Thanks for your question!

Lara

Dear Lara,

I just realized that I forgot to write a thank you note for a gift that I received from a close friend over a year ago.  I'm mortified, but hoping the gift-giver thinks it might have been lost in the mail or simply didn't notice.  Should I mention it to them and admit my faux pas or move on?

 

Sincerely, 

Tacky Gift Receiver 

Dear Tacky, 

I think that honesty is always the best policy.  You mention that this is a close friend.  So, I assume that if you brought this up to her and apologized for your faux pas she would appreciate your honesty.  Chances are she has moved on, but it could do you no harm to bring it up and let her know that it's been on your mind.  Now, if this were the case and you were not close with the friend who sent the gift.  I think you could always drop a note in the mail and offer a belated thanks.  While it's important to get notes out in a timely fashion, it is simply never too late to offer thanks.  

Best,

Lara